Saturday, December 26, 2009

I.Be.Scrooge.No.More.

Exams came and went. I went days without sleep, and I had to travel to a particularly godforsaken corner out on the outskirts of the city at 6 in the morning in the blistering cold everyday. It's so secluded, it's like falling off the face of Delhi. For exams. Tonnes of them. But, I live to tell. And the ordeal is over. Almost, barring one little bugger that will be dealt with on the last day of the year. And I shall know freedom. I shall taste the heady intoxication of fresh air after exactly 4 months. I will know joy. It is cold. COLD. I hate cold. If I had wings, I would definitely be flying south right about now. If I was an exotic furry animal, I would binge on chilly chicken till severe constipation kicks in, and hibernate till spring arrives. Sadly, I only screech like a bird and look like a polar bear. In fact, I have turned so white, high exposure shots fail to capture the thingamajig that is my nose. I am likely to be mistaken for the ghost of Christmas past. I hate being white. I had the best Christmas ever. Family flew in from places far and wide(with gifts that I am still stoked by), I met old friends from school. The kind of friends you feel like you "belong" to. That is something so rare, it surprises me now. I never realized how much I could crave for a sense of belonging. Strange, considering how wary I am of being tied down. Wary of feelings and words that evolve from strings to chains. Wary of people, wary of places, wary of time. Everything stagnates. I've been reading again. Heavy stuff. Makes me dream of strange things at night. I like nightmares more than dreams. I like cryptic ones more than anything. For two days, I've been strutting around in supremely fancy and equally painful pairs of shoes. And then bought another a few hours ago. I'm starting to look like those dainty delhi-brand GK-dolls I once coaxed A into running over in his snazzy car last summer, when we went out to smoke trippy shit. Retail therapy is chicken soup for a frozen-to-an-icicle soul. Adding a few books to the pile, I'm almost broke. Which is a strangely liberating feeling. I will now indulge in cheap thrills with valid reasons. Tomorrow, I will go shopping again for the third day in a row. And I will binge on chocolates with the voraciousness I remember being described in Les Miserables.

I feel numb. I feel hollow. I feel nothing.
The entire spectrum of my emotions has bifurcated into anger and apathy. Unequal parts.

There is a decision to be made. In view of my love for ultimatums and automated mechanisms, it will be made on the basis of the sequence of events leading up to midnight on New Year's Eve. I have no plans for the year end. I want to dance various parts of myself off. Including a major chunk of the brain that's giving me insomnia. The thing won't shut up and let me sleep. Opinionated little scoundrel. So... party, anyone?

11 comments:

Sugar Magnolia said...

*chink*

(champagne, if you were wondering :D)

Misanthropist said...

Sherry!
You are as draamebaaz as I am ;) :)
I wonder why do we tend to go into such phases where everything that's abstract and it's just in the head begins to rule what's real. And again what the hell is real?!
Sorry for the unwanted retrospection!
Good luck for the last one on 31st.
:)

JD said...

This is one of those times it's all spinning around you and it's all a fuzz. Quite like Quantum Mechanics.

The best therapy, and at the risk of repeating myself - Catch some good sleep :)

Srishti said...

Ohh woww. You know what was the most beautiful phrase? Exams came and WENT. Aahh.
I hate cold too! Haha, the Ghost of Christmas Past, really?
'Smoke trippy shit'? :O

Early happy new year's.
Good luck for that. ^_^

Sherry Wasandi said...

@Sugar Magnolia: I have grown too brutish for something as delicate as champagne. :)

Bring on the beer and whiskey.


@Misanthropist: The introspection are completely welcomed, and even insisted.

Of course.

Sherry Wasandi said...

@JD: Insomnia's a bitch. And honestly, the nightmares I'm having these days are thoroughly enjoyable! I get to go Freudish on myself. :)


@Srishti: Oh yeah! Absolutely.

What are your plans for the new year?

Srishti said...

Aahh, New Year. There's a club where I live and they hold a party...I think I'll be going there. Avec family. :)
But if that one sucks, I'm just gonna go home and switch on the TV.
Because guess what?
What Happens in Vegas AND Quantum of Solace are premiering that day.
And on Zee Cafe, they are gonna show top 50 videos of 2009.

What about you, what are your plans?

Srivatsan said...

im not having dreams at night nowanights! sounds spooky to me! :O

Sherry Wasandi said...

@Srishti : Ha! Thanks for that. My plans have been made public in the latest post, so...

:)


@Srivatsan : Mine are total motion-picture material. Technicolor and surround sound. I spend hours analyzing them!

soin said...

attendence aapicar.half stuff as usual went above.strangely i have nightmares only when am drunk and it always seem to have funny endings which might have made me laugh out in my dream.whatever.free

Sherry Wasandi said...

I get insomnia when I'm drunk. Believe it or not!