Thursday, November 29, 2012

Swirls of confetti in a wind tunnel with no gravity.

Tonight, the concept of sleep seems alien, just as it was last night. Sometimes when I roll out the past, the present, and the discernible future in front of me and try to make sense of certain things that simply never will, it gets to be a bit much to handle.Thoughts are like swirls of confetti in a wind tunnel with no gravity. On nights like these, everything that did, can, and does matter comes in quick and disorienting flashes; faster than I can fit into its right place. But just when something up there is dangerously close to cracking, one particular memory works its way into the picture and shoves everything else out. 

When I was 17, I met the most intellectually gifted man I have ever known. Over a significant period of time, we exchanged words, ideas, and entire worlds. One day, in leaving, he said something that stands emblazoned in my memory, to this day. "This road you're starting out on, I've seen it, and I've been down it. Being the way you are, it's only logical that you would too. I know the why, I know the how. But please know that through the test of time, living up to your convictions and bearing the consequences will be excruciatingly tough. It would be a long, arduous, unending climb and there will be a lot of pain along the way. It's not a question of "can" any more. Are you sure you want to?", he said. I leaned forward, smiled quietly, and said the few words that keep me sane in times like these. 

"I've made my choice."

So today, what do I have to complain about? 
Six years ago, I made a choice. And that's that. 

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